What Is Your Story?

What is your truth? 

Everyone has a story. 

Within the last year, I've been focusing on what that means to me: 

What IS my story? What IS my truth? 

Though it is something as simple as just your experiences, what have I to offer? Nothing in my life seems interesting. Nothing in my life seems to hold any treasures of truth... Or does it?

The more and more I meditate on this, the more I confront that of which I do not wish to share. I am by nature a very reserved and private person so at first this didn't surprise me. But as time continues to pass, I find it alarming. That's where it is!! So uncomfortable.

The first thing that comes to mind are those people fanatical about the convictions of their hearts. Whether rational or otherwise. The ones who declare you have to go against the grain even if it shames you; even if you personally don't understand. Those that force their will on others and lose all understanding and compassion for them. = ) I guess, who comes to mind is my grandmother. 

I lived my life going against my own trail of grains. Down my own trail, things have gotten a bit more interesting. There are definitely stories I can tell. Stupidity I can warn against. But, to tell you the truth, the core "story" and "truth" of my life has not changed much. As though written into my DNA before my time even started. As though through the passing of time and generations, I am meant to be here with these words transferring from mind, to paper, to screen. Is this a set up?! (*I look around suspiciously.)  

All this just confirms to me that everything we need in life truly is there right in front of you. You just need to pull the veil from your eyes to see it. The things that don't matter in life are distracting us, both within and around us. Childish emotions, petty fighting, stress of bills, insecurities, etc. They all have their place, though. Their place is showing us where we need to work on in our own characters. Grow in character and remain resilient. From there, the path will open up. 

Give and Take

Being a compassionate and generous person, I didn't understand why people would say that someone who doesn't love themselves couldn't love others. I did love others. Often times even more than myself... But the root of the issue is: those who don't love themselves, don't allow others to love them either. This was not revealed to me until my husband displayed a love so deep and strong, his love refused to be rejected by my sub-conscious attempts. 

It is said that your sub-conscious works for your best interest, and will build defenses to protect you from being hurt in a particular way. I am not exactly sure where my walls originated from. I did recognize that I felt it would hurt less if I cut myself off rather than be cut off. My mind would bring up reasons why he would not love me, not accept me. But this had nothing to do with him... 

This is how I realized I truly did not love myself. It astounded me. And I did not like it. With great effort, persistence, and heartache, I battled against myself, to love myself. 

My husband is just as stubborn as me, if not more. = ) No matter what I did to convince myself it could not be possible for anyone to love me to such an extent, he refused to give in. At times I allowed myself to be vulnerable, it surprised me how love can take you to a whole new level when it is reciprocated and accepted.  

Now, some can relate to this, and some may relate to the opposite. Some find it easy to love, and some find it easier to accept love. But in extremes, both cases are only half complete. I find it amazing to consider. Like a tree. A tree gives life to the world, but unless it receives nourishment, it will dry out and die. And when a tree requires water, yet doesn't produce anything in return, it is chopped down. 

My point in putting light on this subject is to inspire self-reflection. Though it is embarrassing for me to admit, I think many may have a similar issue and may not even realize it. I didn't. After realizing my problem and working on it, walls within our relationship tumbled down. 

It is very possible to go on addressing symptoms that arise in your relationship rather than the root of it when you are not honest and courageous enough to look at it for what it is. It's easy to look at someone else and know how to fix them, but it takes great courage to fix something you can only fix yourself. Don't shy away from what you don't want to see. What you don't want to see is usually what stands between you and what you really want.

Healing Is Possible

The earth supplies all our essential needs. It is really quite an amazing thing to dwell on. Not only are there resources for restoration and rehabilitation, our bodies have a remarkable way of doing its own work in the process. I sincerely believe that wholeness is available; healing is available. I do believe in natural cures.

I have heard many cases of healing and restoration. Few I have actually seen for myself. From what I have seen, much discipline and support is required. To make a significant impact on your health demands a total lifestyle change. You change what you consume, how you consume it, and when you consume it. It is definitely not easy, especially when the world around you has no problem indulging in empty yet highly satisfying diets.  Physical activity is a major component. Exercise, fresh air, sunlight, etc., all play their part as well.  

A lie is being sold that implies we can do whatever we want, and a regimen is available to remedy the consequential situation. Juxtapose to natural remedies, pharmaceutical drugs are just band-aids. Many times they are even worse considering they sacrifice other components of your body to attend to the initial ailment.  

Considering this, I thought of societal issues. Because it is easy to want to attack or remedy what we feel is hurting us as a community. As much as I, as well as many of you, would like to make this world a better place, it seems it will take a lot of discipline, support, determination, and perseverance, just as it does to turn one's health around. A shock and tough climb up hill to start, being consistent and forming habits, and then enjoying the vigor and energy and results of having your body in top shape. 

Above all, one has to be willing. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Forcing it is equivalent of taking a pharmaceutical drug. It may seem like it's helping, but it is only being subsided temporarily. 

What I think makes a difference is our "discipline and support." I think that is all that is really asked of us to begin with. The discipline and integrity in our own lives by default creates a form of support for those who need it and accept it.